I've been taking medication and doing counseling, but am getting more and more skeptical that depression is really something I can walk away from. It feels like all the effort has been wasted.
When I go to counseling, I often don't know what to talk about, probably because I simply don't want to change within myself.
The contradiction of feeling hopeless on the one hand, and on the other hand having a special longing for someone to care about me, makes it even harder.
Often have strong suicidal thoughts, not because of sadness, but because of the emptiness in my heart and the feeling that everything is meaningless.
Is it hopeless for someone like me who is unwilling to change? Is there no other way but to die?
Hi, thank you for sharing your heart. I can understand the pain and helplessness you are feeling right now, these days are really hard. But you have to realize that you are not alone, many people are going through similar things and depression can be treated and gotten better.
You say that taking medication and counseling makes you feel pointless, which is actually quite common because depression can cause people to lose hope. But believe me, that's not true, it's just the disease misleading you.
Regarding not knowing what to say in counseling, this is normal. Sometimes we can't figure out our inner thoughts ourselves. You can start with simple feelings, such as today's emotions or small things, and take your time while the therapist helps you explore.
The fact that you both feel hopeless and want to be cared for shows that there is still longing within you, which is a positive sign that you have something to look forward to in life.
Feelings of emptiness and meaninglessness are part of depression. Try to accept these emotions and don't blame yourself. Start with small goals, such as taking a 10-minute walk every day or accomplishing a small task.
Try to find a favorite activity or explore a new interest, stick with it even if it's not fun, and slowly it may improve.
Find more support, besides a psychologist, talk to friends and family, their concern is important.
Taking care of yourself, keeping a regular schedule, eating healthy, and exercising in moderation can help with mental health. Try meditation or breathing exercises to focus yourself on the present moment.
Remember, suicide is never the answer. If there are strong suicidal tendencies, get help immediately by calling a crisis line or going to the hospital. The road to recovery may be long, but it's worth every step.
Stick with your treatment and I'm sure you'll be able to get out of the haze and find happiness again. You are not alone in your battle, we are all behind you. I wish you a speedy recovery!