I'm about to start middle school.
My mom wanted me to get into Norse school, but I didn't make it, and she even said I shouldn't recognize her as my mom.
All of a sudden, that urge to kill myself came back. This thought had come back in fourth grade, when I thought about ending it all almost every day, and only got through it thanks to the company of my classmates. Now it's making a comeback, and I feel overwhelmed. I used to think that at least I had my mom to fall back on.
But now, I feel like all I have left are my classmates.
As you can see from your description, this suicidal thought has been troubling you for two or three years, and your mom didn't seem to notice your emotional changes, nor did you take the initiative to confide in her about your inner pain. At the most difficult time, you chose to seek help from your classmates and got out of the doldrums with their support.
I can sense that you are emotionally distant from your mom, and she may be more of a nominal presence than a mom who actually provides support. But as a child, deep down you still crave her love. Because of this, her words and actions can hurt you deeply. When she says, "Don't recognize her as your mother," you feel like your only support has disappeared, and with that comes a strong sense of fear and abandonment. You may blame yourself for not being good enough to make this happen, and go into a state of self-blame and misery, or even try to take your own life to get out of it. Really want to hug you!
In fact, you are a very strong child to be able to reach out for help to release stress. You can also try to tell your mom directly which of her words are difficult for you and express only your feelings. If she can't understand, prepare yourself ahead of time as well.
I recommend you read the book We've All Been Hurt and Become a Better Version of Ourselves.