Hi, after graduation my expenses have really increased, mainly on clothes, books and household necessities. But my family always complains that I spend too much money and buy this and that. But to be honest, I used to do very little shopping before, and it was only after I started working that I started to buy these things.
I'm not spending all my paycheck, so why are you talking about me like this? I can't even buy breakfast without muttering "too expensive, forget it", or buy a book on Amazon for a few bucks without feeling really depressed.
My friend, thank you for your willingness to share this worry! It's really not easy to deal with the conflict between family accusations and spending habits, so let's talk about it slowly.
First of all, psychologically, the anger and frustration you're feeling right now is super normal - it happens to anyone who's been denied by someone close to them.
Emotional bombs can easily be triggered when our behavior is misunderstood, especially when criticized by family members.
It's not just a reaction to things, but it can also poke at soft spots of self-identity, like "Am I really bad at managing money?" "Am I making the wrong choices?" .
Growing up, our family was supposed to be our support group. But when the pace of life and expectations fall short, support can turn into stress.
Having just graduated and working independently, you already have to adapt to the workplace, manage your money and balance your life, plus the negative comments naturally make you more anxious.
Plus the change in spending, which is actually super common. After graduation, buying clothes, books, and groceries is mostly a matter of necessity - you need to furnish your nest and improve yourself.
These expenses were incurred to live a more comfortable life, to pursue a little interest, and of course I feel aggrieved when I am told the opposite.
But there may be a reason for your family's concern. They're afraid that your moonlight future is going to be tight, or they're used to being frugal themselves, such as the older generation who went through hard times and are naturally more budget-conscious.
This difference in perception often comes from generational experiences, not who is right or wrong.
This is when communication is key! Try to gently explain that you are buying new clothes for your work image and books to recharge your batteries, and listen to their concerns. Find common ground, such as "I'm saving up, too, but I really need some of these things".
It's good to make a simple budget. Make a list of your monthly income and expenses and let the numbers speak for themselves, both to appease your family and to help you spend wisely.
In the meantime, give yourself an extra pep talk: it's your right to spend wisely! Practice deep breathing and take a walk to ease the low pressure.
If it's still hard, talk to a counselor - they specialize in helping you see the relationship and yourself in a more relaxed way!