When a close friend is plagued by depression, I often ask myself rhetorically what I can do for her. As someone who has traveled through similar lows, I deeply understand her helplessness and pain.
I am aware that depression triggers so many dangerous thoughts that no matter how much the onlookers try to talk her out of it, she may not listen or if she does listen, she is unable to act on it and just keeps getting caught up in a constant cycle of self-blame and cynicism.
She recited the past over and over again, always saying how nice it would be to start over, not expecting at all what she'd become.
I could really feel her avoidance and inner torment.
Since we were halfway across China, I could only listen to her quietly on the phone, and even if some of the words touched her heart, they often stopped at the surface, making it difficult to bring about a deeper change.
But I truly want to do more for her because I know how risky it is when depressed and alone.
I want to suggest that she try counseling, but I don't know how to ask and I'm worried that she can't afford the cost.
I'm grateful that she still trusts me, but I always feel limited in what I can do.
You've actually done a great job, and listening patiently is a powerful support in itself. For advice on counseling, you can choose to whisper when she is a little more stable, "I understand that you are having a hard time right now, I've been there too, and counseling helped me a lot at the time. There are quite a few public service or low-cost counseling avenues available now, so try it out and maybe you can find a new direction."
You can encourage her to go out more often, even if it's just a walk in the neighborhood or in the sun; the scent of nature has a soothing effect on emotions. Share some relaxing books, movies or music to help her temporarily distract herself from the whirlwind of self-doubt. Keep in touch on a regular basis so that she feels that you are there for her no matter how far away she is, forming a stable emotional dependence. If she is having dangerous thoughts, reminding her that there are many other people around who care about her and advising her to call a psychological crisis line are further ways you can help.