I still feel a deep sense of indebtedness to my parents, teachers and society, and I always feel that I have an unending debt to them, so what should I do? My heart is in a mess, and I really don't know what to do. Sometimes I even think, "If only I hadn't come into this world, how good it would be."
Hi! First of all, I'm sending you a big hug across the screen. I'm so glad to have received your outpouring and I hope that these words of mine have brought you a touch of warmth and strength. Between your lines, I can relate to the low self-esteem, self-doubt, and heavy guilt that is hidden in your heart because you feel unworthy.
I would like to tell you that the intention of parents to raise their children is never to equate or ask for something in return. True love is the hope that the child will live a wonderful life of his or her own. If you always felt when growing up that your parents' contribution was like a debt that had to be repaid, it could be that they unintentionally emphasized their sacrifice over and over again, influencing your feelings in this way - this is no longer pure love, but a kind of invisible control. Love should allow a person to be free to be themselves and feel valued in their acceptance.
And parents are often like this because they have been treated in a similar way themselves. If they don't realize the scars from their own upbringing, it's easy to carry that pattern over to you.
But you are now aware of this guilt, and this is the beginning of change. You can slowly build confidence and a sense of worthiness by taking the initiative to learn and grow yourself as you re-parent yourself. Remember, your very existence has meaning - you allow your parents to experience the role of parenting and provide your teachers with educational value. This value shines even brighter when you are brave enough to be yourself.
You definitely deserve to be treated gently by yourself and the world. Try asking your friends or family around you what your presence brings to them. But only if you first learn to be kind to yourself and become a person of inner abundance.
I'm Lily, the little ear of the Answer House, and remember: the world, and I, love you deeply.