Do you often suspect that you are unloved and that you are the only one who doesn't deserve a normal life?
Often times, you may feel like you have no one to love or care about, except for your parents. There are no friends around you who can be there all the time, and relationships always fade after a while, or fall out over some conflicts, as if you lack the ability to maintain friendships.
Sometimes you talk yourself out of it, and maybe that's just the way life is, but then you see everyone else with sweet friends and people who care about them, and you can't help but wonder: am I the only one who doesn't deserve a normal life? That I don't deserve to be loved and cherished?
Hello, owner. My heart aches a little bit when I read what you shared. You feel sad because you don't have anyone around you, and your loneliness makes you unintentionally think "I'm not okay". First of all, I'd like to give you a warm hug.
First, I'd like to talk to you about what exactly is a friend?
We often see in books the kind of friendship that lives and dies together, not together but together. But there are also some good friends who go their separate ways because of one thing. Why is there such a big difference? What is the meaning of friendship?
Here, I would like to share my views.
When we were young, we always hope to have a close friend who can accompany us throughout our lives, but we often hear our elders say that the close friends of our youth have less contact now, and even go out of town to cut off, at most, send a message on New Year's Day.
Why is that?
In my opinion, when we are young we want friends to be there for us, like to hang out with and share secrets. Someone to share sadness with, someone to share happiness with, and a friend to support us when we are sick or hurt.
But as we grow older, we slowly realize that we have to walk the road of life on our own after all.
When your parents are sick, the comfort of your friends seems powerless; when you are short of money, your friends may not be able to protect you. How much can friends be involved in making boyfriends and girlfriends, having children, and raising a family? When the pressure of work and family is great, do we still have the energy to talk to our friends?
So, are friends really that important? Can they help us carry the burdens of life? Or are we just trying to mask vulnerability and build a relationship of mutual warmth, essentially for ourselves?
In ancient times, there were Liu Yuxi and Liu Zongyuan, Zhong Ziqi and Bo Ya, Yuan Zhen and Bai Juyi. Undeniably, lifelong friends exist, such as Liu Zongyuan and Liu Yuxi, who complemented each other's personalities and shared the same political goals, and became close friends.
There's no point in letting the lack of long-lasting friends get in the way of growth, because life is up to you. You feel sad self-doubt when you see others have good friends and you don't, but what does not having friends say about you?
A friend is nothing more than two people using each other.
Without friends, I can love to read, find spiritual support in books and become gentle.
Without friends, I can love to learn, be knowledgeable, get a good job, earn money to support my family and love them well.
No friends, but I like myself a lot. I know that underneath the unsociable exterior, I have unique strengths.
Sometimes conformity only means that your interests or views fit the group, it doesn't mean you're good or bad.
For example, you like apples, but groups love beef, and you can only eat fruits and vegetables with your beef allergy. When the group talks about how good beef is, you think of an allergic reaction and are therefore ostracized. It's not your fault, it's just different preferences, but it's easy to feel hated.
In this case, because the misfits of our ancestors were expelled and it was difficult to survive alone, our genes make us feel that we have to change when we are rejected by the group. The brain says "you're hated, be nice" and you end up mistakenly thinking you're not nice.
Are you really bad?
Who plows the land when someone else eats the cows that plow it? Beef is expensive and hard to get, while eating fruits and vegetables is less expensive and has a better chance of survival. What makes you not like yourself?
Often times, ideas are just ideas, not facts.
Think about what you're good at. What are you good at? Don't let being friendless negate you. Being friendless just means you're unique or unsociable, but there's a lot more to do in the world.
If you really want to make friends, I suggest being yourself first.
Identify yourself and improve yourself to improve the quality of your friends. When you know who you are and meet a confidant, you will light up and decide that it is him. Because he has an understanding with you and can make up for your flaws and you can give him warmth. Precious to each other.
Cheer up!