I've been married for many years and have a 6 year old child, but my married life is getting bland, there is no passion at all and even intimacy seems like a cop out.
Every day I feel physically and mentally exhausted, and my emotions are particularly depressed.
I've known him for 5 years now and after we had a casual relationship a year ago, I was completely stuck and couldn't get out of it.
The feeling was like an electric shock, a heartfelt sense of falling in love.
We love each other as wildly as young people do, and often I am the one who initiates contact with him. I was especially happy when I saw him, but I was afraid of losing him because he was not married and had a family in the future. I even thought about divorce, but he talked me out of it, saying he didn't want to break up my family, especially since I had a lovely daughter, which made him feel bad.
He's also conflicted and torn right now, and I'm in even more pain, with emotions coming in like a tidal wave.
His rationality, tolerance and excellent qualities are simply irresistible to me.
We were workmates first, then we became friends. Now I really don't know what the future holds.
I feel like I'm in a heavy depressive mood, and even when I talk during the week, it's still especially hard on my heart.
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How do I adjust myself? I understand the reasoning, but it's so hard to actually act on it.
Reading about your experience immediately made me think of the movie "A Bridge Over Troubled Water".
Have you seen this movie? The plot is very similar to your situation, so I suggest you take the time to revisit it!
As outsiders, we can't give you specific advice, and your obsession is a testament to the saying "people in authority are obsessed".
I've been through the flat period of my marriage too, and I totally understand the kind of feelings you have with your husband. In fact, many Chinese women are facing or have faced similar problems, and you are not alone in your battle!
However, Chinese marriages are often not just about the couple, but also involve family and social factors.
Passion has a life cycle, and the passion of a passionate relationship can slowly fade with the daily chores, and the same goes for your relationship with him.
It may still be in a period of rising passion or because the novelty of the affair makes the relationship seem extra special.
Women are usually more involved and emotional in relationships; it's an innate emotional tendency.
But unlike men, they can often separate their feelings from their physical needs. What you feel may not be what he really thinks.
You are faced with a major life decision and must consider it carefully!
Calm down first and analyze it properly with rational thinking.