I've experienced two betrayals, and each time my emotions hit rock bottom, which seriously affected my studies and daily life, and I even felt like I was getting old in my mind.
The first time was when I was cheated on by a friend who humiliated me in public and I had to change schools.
The second time was when my boyfriend cheated on me and I was so angry that I cried all day when I saw him interacting with someone else on Twitter.
How do I deal with these emotions after being cheated on? Sometimes I still replay those scenes in my dreams and wake up crying.
Really don't want to carry all this baggage anymore.
Hi, I saw your story and wanted to give you a hug. You must have suffered for a long time. Kudos to yourself first and thank you for being brave enough to come and seek change, awareness is the first step to recovery oh. 😊😊
The fact that you changed schools because you were publicly humiliated by a classmate must have hit you hard, and the fact that your boyfriend, who was supposed to be someone you trusted, cheated on you must have been devastatingly upsetting.
You mentioned that you go back to that time in your dreams, which is a form of 'traumatic re-experiencing' in psychology, and that this type of dream tends to put you in pain again. I wonder if you usually have increased alertness, social avoidance, anxiety or low mood? If so, it may be 'post-traumatic stress disorder'. We suggest that you look up related information to understand, and seek professional help if needed.
If it's not PTSD, your problems may stem from unresolved inner conflicts.
Why? There are three reasons:
1. You lack sufficient self-acceptance
If a person doesn't really accept themselves, they are easily influenced by other people's comments, such as negative comments from classmates and boyfriends that shake your confidence. You may have self-doubt and ask why they did this to you. Learn to accept yourself, love yourself, don't blame yourself for outside hurts, and don't deny yourself because of other people's behavior. This will give you much more peace and keep you from going into deep pain. "Misery, many times, is a form of self-criticism."
2. You didn't accept the conflict between subjective expectations and reality
In your heart, "I want to be treated fairly", but the reality violates your expectations, and you don't digest this discrepancy well. You want your friends to be harmonious and your lovers to be reliable, but they hurt you. The shame and helplessness you feel makes you angry and at a loss. You need to give yourself time to slowly accept this "imperfect reality". Life is full of trials and it is important to learn to accept "losing control".
3. You find out that you are not the center of someone else's world
Everyone has a need for 'love and belonging' in addition to 'self-approval', such as being the center of attention in a relationship and being valued. And you have lost this sense of belonging in these two relationships, not being valued by them, and this is hard for you to accept. You are now wallowing in the pain of losing focus, and 'self-recognition' and 'self-care' are being ignored. You need to be the center of your own life so that you have the inner strength to weather the storm.
The above is just a reference, I hope it inspires you and good luck 😊