I often wondered why my mom and dad always held me to a different standard than they did themselves.
Let's take a concrete example: every time my mom and I have a fight, even if my mom is at fault first, such as when she loses control of her emotions and yells or even breaks something, my dad always blames me first, and just gently says to my mom, "Stop it".
But if I didn't control my temper, Dad would yell at me as if all the fault was mine.
To put it bluntly, no matter who is right or wrong in an argument, Mom and Dad always join forces to criticize me, even if I'm not wrong at all.
I feel like they expect something completely different from themselves than they do from me.
Dad knew Mom was wrong, but never said anything positive about her, just told her to shut up.
But when it was my turn, he reprimanded me harshly whenever I got on top of my emotions.
I really want to know why this is happening, this whole thing is making me especially confused and angry! I hope you all have some advice for me.
Hello my friend, I'm Ching Chor and I'm happy to connect with you through text.
Parents treat their children differently than others, many times because they have higher expectations of their children and get angry when their children don't do what they want. In fact, parents often treat their children as their own appendages and want them to conform to their expectations in every aspect. But this is not true, because children grow up and have their own opinions, children are not the whole of their parents, and parents should not be in charge of their children in everything. However, some parents may not realize this. I think that your parents might be the same way.
Let me give you a few tips for your current situation:
First, communicate more with your parents.
Increasing communication with your mom and dad will bring the relationship closer and avoid misunderstandings by communicating when there are problems. I have always believed that communication is the best way to resolve conflicts.
Not just with parents, but with anyone, communication is a quick way to understand what the other person is thinking so that solutions can be found.
Second, express yourself often.
You need to speak your mind to your parents more often and be reasonable when it comes to things. Because in your parents' eyes, they may still think that you are a child and have immature ideas, that's why they intervene.
But if you share your thoughts regularly, your parents will realize that you are old enough to make your own decisions and that problems should be discussed together, not at their discretion.
Third, when it comes to problems, take things personally and don't let your emotions control you.
In the case of your recent incident, your dad did show a bit of favoritism. But it's clear that your parents are pinning all their hopes on you, and at the first sign of conflict, the first thing that comes to mind is that you shouldn't talk back to your parents, while ignoring your mom's problems.
Also, even if mom is at fault, dad should communicate with mom privately instead of criticizing her in front of you, so I can understand your dad's difficulties sometimes. So, when you encounter problems, you have to learn to talk to both parents calmly instead of quarreling, because when quarreling, it is impossible for dad to help you together against mom.
I think the best way to do this is to wait for everyone to calm down and sit down together and talk it out, rather than getting more and more aggressive.
You can try these methods to communicate with your parents and I'm sure it will help you.
Good luck!