Have you been hit by workplace suppression and family suppression? Don't worry, let's talk about how to deal with it today!
Come on, let's see if you've been in any of these situations.
Common tactics of workplace PUAs include:
1. Constantly striking you, always picking on your mistakes, seldom praising, and saying that it is to spur you on to progress.
In other companies, no one might even do that to you.
2. Always comparing you with other colleagues, which makes you feel uncomfortable.
3. Give you unreasonable work, such as letting you help the leader to do personal affairs, so that you feel reused, in fact, is to take you as "their own people" to control.
4. Give you overloaded workload, far more than 8 hours, desperately squeeze you, others are off work, you are still working overtime.
And tell you that it's hard to find work out there, and you're lucky to have this job.
Always reminding you to be grateful!
5. Grab your credit, the company's good performance is all the leader's credit, your efforts seem to be worthless.
People who are easily controlled by workplace PUAs tend to be unloved people who crave attention and affirmation.
It is this weakness that leaders use to hold you at bay.
Remember, whether it's a job or a relationship, love yourself first.
Hello, dear friend! I'm Juju~
First, let's understand what a PUA is? Define it to make the question clearer.
What are the signs of being PUA?
Isolation: the other person wants to cut off contact with you, i.e., to alienate you, to be cold.
For example, if you go to a party and everyone is friends, but he will find a way to alienate you from your friends with the ultimate goal of making you dependent on him and him becoming the center of your life.
If there are a lot of people of the opposite sex at the party, he will deliberately get close to you and not let anyone else get near you.
Rule: You must do what he tells you to do, and if you don't, say you don't love him and it's your fault.
He will interfere in every detail of your life and make you feel that he dominates everything and you just have to obey.
For example, in the morning he dictates what you eat, what time you go to bed and wake up, what you wear, what friends you make, and even your relationship with your parents, he meddles and controls you in this way.
You may say, I don't like this, I have my own preferences, why do I listen to you? He'll say, I'm doing it all for your own good, I've done so much for you and you're not even grateful, I'm good enough for you.
In this kind of relationship, we tend to lose ourselves in love and still suffer when we break up, thinking that he loved us, but was it really love? It's very torn.
His inner subtext is: you must listen to me, if you don't, you don't love me.
Stalking: if you try to break free, he will never let go and die by your side.
He may go where you've been, message you 24/7 to ask where you are, peek at your phone, social accounts and relationships, like who you went where with today.
This restricts your normal socialization with your friend and the fear that he will be upset.
So you become anxious.
Demean: to belittle you to elevate yourself, to make you feel that he is superior and you are inferior, with the aim of satisfying his vanity.
There are many ways to disparage, if you are beautiful, he said you are not as good as actresses; if you have high education, said you do not return to the sea doctor; or ridicule your dark skin and slow brain reaction.
These words hurt self-esteem and are intentional, just to control you.
Once you believe it, you will have an inferiority complex and listen to him in everything.
Abuse: destroying your body and your will.
If you don't obey, he will use physical contact or violence to force you to comply.
Like pushing you at first to make you think it's a joke.
If you get married, you may also have domestic violence, such as threatening you with a knife and confining you.
It starts with small gestures and then turns into slapping, kicking you, or worse, locking you in a dark room and beating you.
You can't escape, you just have to live with it.
About Workplace PUA
Sometimes your weaknesses are exploited by your boss to hit you and PUA you.
1. Always picking on you, not saying you're good, but saying it's for your own good, and wanting you to suffer with the company.
2. Comparing you with your colleagues, such as "Look at how good Xiao Wang's performance is", so that you are psychologically unbalanced.
3. Deliberately arranging jobs that do not suit you, such as making you do sales when you are an introvert, and saying that this is an exercise for you and that you should be grateful.
4. Giving you unreasonable work, such as running personal errands, where you think you are being reused, but are actually being controlled.
5. Claiming that it was his good leadership when it was clearly your doing.
6. Give you hope that you will be recognized for your efforts, but work overtime to exhaust you and make you grateful.
What to do?
First determine if it's a PUA?
1. Does the other person respect you? Does that make sense? Is it out of the ordinary?
It's normal for the boss to criticize if the work isn't done well, but if you deliberately nitpick, scold you in public, and put all the fault on you, you might be a workplace PUA.
2. Is he trying to help you correct your mistakes, or is he trying to twist you?
Leaders who like to hurl insults
For example, if you work in a tuition agency, the head of the teaching staff always scolds the new staff until they cry and twist the facts.
Be confident in the face of this kind of leadership and know that you are here to earn, not to be scolded.
The leader who draws the big picture
Say the company is doing well and the future is better, have a pattern, don't just look at the money, overtime is for your own good.
It's spiritual empty cake, trying to get you to give your all and not care about the rewards.
But is this life, where you have no time for rest and recreation, really enjoyable?
Stay awake and don't get carried away.
The leader threatened you.
"If you don't run the list today, you're fired!"
"You're not allowed to leave work until the job is done, and you have to do it even if you work overtime until 12:00!"
"I'm the boss, you have to listen to me or you'll drink the northwest wind this month!"
......
This kind is the hardest because the leader has a lot of power and it's hard for you as an employee to resist.
So:
1. Don't reveal your desires and ambitions so easily; take your time and don't rush.
2. To remain rational and to judge which of his statements are braggadocio.
I'm Juju, wishing you well in the workplace and family!