I am 30 years old, I once had a two-year marriage, no children, the reason for divorce is actually quite simple, is that at that time I was young, not too mature, did not understand exactly what kind of married life I want.
Two years ago I met a girl who is 4 years younger than me, we are particularly comfortable together, she finds me a great listener and companion and perfect for marriage, but every time I try to move forward with a relationship, I always get stuck because of her family's objections, and it's been three times over and over again.
She grew up losing trust in her father because of her family environment, but was especially close to her grandfather, who unfortunately was a very dignified man and couldn't accept the fact that I had a history of marriage.
She is an avoidant attachment personality with depression (which is diagnosed).
She would open up to me about her depression and I was there for her like a big brother.
When we are in a good mood, we share our joy together and go out to feel the little blessings in life.
I've offered to be good friends, but there's always ambiguity between them, and the boundaries feel a little fuzzy.
After serious consideration, I still want to go into marriage with her, despite her depression and her family's disapproval, but I want to help her come out of it and learn to love people and trust men again, and get back to looking forward to marriage.
Now my biggest headache is: I don't know how to bring our relationship closer or how to continue to help and be there for her. I'm an insecure person myself, and this on-again, off-again attitude of hers is affecting me emotionally quite a lot.
I truly hope to find ways that we can both grow together, thank you!
Although you have a good heart and want to help the other person out of her depression and marry her, a relationship is a two-person affair, and it's not enough for you to be passionate about it; only if both parties are willing to work at it can they end up together.
From your description, I don't see much initiative from the other person. You're desperately trying to move the relationship forward, be there for her through the down times, and even make a lifelong commitment, but what about her? What has she done to make you think she wants to be with you for life too? Confiding and sharing can be done between friends, but truly loving someone will take more action.
You said that she is treating you in an iffy way, it's hard to imagine that someone who really wants to spend the rest of their life together would be like that. Being depressed doesn't mean you won't value your feelings, depressed people still think clearly and know what they like. If she really likes you, she will try to get closer, just like you are doing now.
The other party does not seem to be as enthusiastic about the relationship as you are, the family is against it, the relationship is slow to move forward, and the girl herself is not firm enough and has a vague attitude. After all, marriage is the two of you, if she is determined to be with you, the family actually can not stop.
So the girl's will doesn't look too strong. You don't take all the blame on yourself, the other person in the relationship has a part to play, you're not alone in the battle.
Of course, we, as outsiders, may not know the full inside story. If the girl actually wants to be with you, we suggest that you communicate your thoughts honestly with her, and those who are genuinely willing will respond to you;
If she is still iffy, or even does not give a clear answer, then you also need to learn to respect yourself, cherish your own contribution, and leave your true heart to those who really understand you, so that your contribution will bring happiness, not endless pain.