Being bullied again What if you don't know how to say no A Practical Guide to Solving the Problem

Since I was a child, I have always felt that I am a person who is afraid of trouble, always thinking that it is better to do more than less. So when people ask me for help, I almost never refuse, probably because I'm afraid of offending people, or I think it's okay to help. But this made me often suffer and be bullied. When I was wronged outside, I didn't dare to say so to my face, but only dared to complain in front of my friends. Other people just pick on soft targets like me, so I have been bullied since I was a child. Maybe I have an inferiority complex, and I don't dare to resist or refuse. I've thought about changing and saying no, but I've never dared to. This time I was bullied again, and I was still the same as before, not daring to refuse, not daring to fight back, but only spitting out my bitterness in front of my friends. My friends all said they wouldn't help me anymore, that I deserved to be bullied. I also hate myself like this, but just don't dare to refuse, don't know how to refuse, afraid of the other party's revenge, feel that I have no background and no backbone. This is not the way to go on, what should I do?

My friend, it sounds like you have a lot of resentment and anger built up inside of you that you're afraid to let out and you don't know how to reject people, which is really painful. But being able to realize the problem and seek help is already the first step to change, which is good.

First, make your decision from how you feel.Either refusing or agreeing to someone seems to cause problems. If you refuse, you are afraid of retaliation and are uncomfortable; if you say yes, you are aggravated and uncomfortable. You can try to compare which situation is more difficult for you, and then choose the relatively better one. In fact, there is no perfect answer to many choices in life, and there are pros and cons to choosing A or B. There is no such thing as a 100% correct choice, only a more suitable choice for the moment. So, if both choices are painful, choose the less painful; if you want, choose the most wanted.

Observe more how others refuse and then imitate and learn.Being afraid to say no is the status quo, but we can change it by learning. Just like learning to use chopsticks or learning to walk as a child, refusal is a skill that needs to be practiced. You can pay attention to friends or coworkers around you who are good at refusing and see how they politely say no. It may be difficult at first, and you may feel conflicted and anxious, but take the first step, and you'll realize that saying "no" is actually quite enjoyable.

In addition to behavioral exercises, it is also recommended that you talk to a professional counselor.Delve into why you are afraid to say no, why you are not confident, why you blame yourself, and get to the root cause. Counseling can help you adjust your cognition, and once you've figured it out, it's faster to change behaviorally.

Change takes time, my friend, don't rush it, take your time. I wish you to be happy soon!