I grew up with a bit of a social fear and was always the one in class who didn't talk much.
It's gotten a little better as I've grown up, but it still recurs occasionally. I always had a strange feeling in my heart and wondered if anyone else was like me, as if they had gotten used to being ignored, alienated, and treated with indifference.
It's clear that inside I want to be popular, but as soon as someone approaches me, I feel flattered and then subconsciously try to keep my distance.
For example, once I went to a bakery and talked to the owner for a few minutes, he remembered me and greeted me the next time I went there, but I felt so embarrassed inside that I didn't even want to go to that store again.
Or when my classmates invite me to a party, I actually prefer to be alone in my heart.
A lot of times it is like this, people send me messages, I do not want to reply immediately, always feel that socializing is very energy-consuming, but also eager to be noticed, the heart is particularly contradictory.
Hi, I'm Counselor Islander and I'd love to go over this confusion with you.
From your description, you feel tired of socializing and crave attention, and are psychologically conflicted, so you are used to being alienated and ignored.
This sounds like a causal inference: because socializing wears you out, theSo you "tend" to be ignored, not just habituated.
From an Adlerian psychological perspective, past traumas do not directly determine the present; our behavior often serves a current purpose. Your comment about habits being ignored might be interpreted as an active choice.
This, it seems, is very pertinent to your current state.
You say you crave to be welcomed, but because socializing is so tiring, you feel awkward in situations like the bakery owner's and prefer to avoid them.
Craving is a need at the conscious level and tiredness is a resistance in the subconscious. They create a conflict between them.
To solve this problem, we need to look at where the "tiredness" really comes from.
Perhaps you could ask yourself what tiredness reminds you of? How does it make you feel? How does your body react? Like nervousness or shaking?
What are your thoughts on social exhaustion? Does it make you uncomfortable because you need to disguise yourself? Thinking back, when was the most tired you've ever been socially? What happened? What did you say at the time? What did you do?
How would you respond if you were in your current situation?
The past does affect us and makes it hard.
Perhaps it also has something to do with the patterns we have with people.
What patterns of interaction make you feel comfortable? What are some other ways you crave attention and what are some other ways you can try?
Or, observe the people you envy who are good at socializing and how they do it.
According to Jung's analytical psychology, everyone is born with different temperaments, some introverts and some extroverts.
Perhaps we can choose to socialize in a way that makes us comfortable, depending on our inclinations.
For example, if you don't want to return a message, return it later and see what happens.
For example, expressing your feelings honestly instead of forcing yourself to smile all the time.
For example, that bakery owner, when you want to go, it's not really a big deal.
People always tend to live in a way that makes them comfortable.
Choose what works for you to get attention and honestly listen to your inner voice.
This may be the model that works better for you.
I hope my answer has given you some inspiration and food for thought.
I am Washima, the world and I love you.